The Talking Toilet
My lid is quite round, It has two screws
people sit on me and shit
sometimes reading the news
it gets on my wick
I wish I could decide
which arse fits me best
one that's small or one that's wide.
I get clean from the bleach
but my rim's hard to reach
so they flush and they flush
I get poked with a brush
but as the days come and as the days go
I just cry to myself
I'm just a smelly old po
and some times it's worse
cuz the shit just wont go!
My water is blue, well sometimes its clear
I hate it went drunk men
want a piss and come near
cuz they cant stand up straight
and aim at my middle
they spray and they miss, then my seats covered in piddle.
Now that's just one of the many things that I hate
to be honest the life of a toilet ain't great
I'm sat on, then shit on, then pissed on some more
I cringe when i see someone come through the loo door
I'm telling you man
it does my head in
sometimes I'm just treated
like a shit and piss bin.
There has to be more
that's out there for me
I'm fed up of this life taking crap, its not hard to see
so if your sat on me and here just to think
remember the life of a toilet does stink
but all said and done in the grand scheme of it all
I'm only a seat and a flush and a watery hole.
But women are bad, its like getting a muggin'
I know once a month
your bits need a plug in
the thing that you use should be put in a bin
cause flushing it down me is a cardinal sin
and I get so damn queasy to see a tampon with blood in.
So next time you visit please show some respect
and wipe me as well, its how your own arse is kept
and when you are done, please show some affection
I don't want to give the next person infection
so give me a clean
its not hard to do
and please stop me looking like I've shit myself too!
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